I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
