you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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