pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
