i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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