her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
even my farts smell like vagina
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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