At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
