I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I currently don't understand fingers.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
