i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
