My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
