My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
