I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
