I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
