I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
