Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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