I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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