How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize