I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
