I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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