So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
