She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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