with your own penis?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
