You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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