The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
