i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just forgot I was standing up.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
