Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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