hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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