Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I lost the right to judge tonight
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
