someone threw a dead crab at me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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