Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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