We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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