Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
