i just google imaged poop.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
