Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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