p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
