so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
