hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
