y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
