I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
