Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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