We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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