I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
