Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
