I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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