one might say we're banned from that church
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
