Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
