you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
