I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
