Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize