Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
