I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
