They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
