he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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