When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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