Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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