Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
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He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
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We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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