Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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