We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
