Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
