So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
