im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
