I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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