i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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