So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
