Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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