hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
