My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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