one word: firstdatebathroomanal
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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