Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I cockslap morals
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
