Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
