I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
