dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
