my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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