Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
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That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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