with your own penis?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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