so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
