Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
