My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
