my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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