i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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